I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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