i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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