lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
