I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
