new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize