There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need to calm my uterus...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
