dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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