Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize