Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
