Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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