So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
