Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have feelings that need drinking.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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