I seem to have left my pride at pride
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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