Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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