theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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