Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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