dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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