I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
