You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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