I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
