Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
do nipples grow back?
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