Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
