so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
