I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sext me about skeletons
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize