You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
