We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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