worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
