I'm gonna have a badass scar
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
