He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
