My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
