He passed out mid-signature
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize