She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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