boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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