If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
