just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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