i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Randomize
