trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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