My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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