Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
