I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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