it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
