So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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