I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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