i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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