Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
