My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
