Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
