Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Couch. On fire.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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