Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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