How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
