I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
