My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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