He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
