you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
