I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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