I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
