Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
