So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
