After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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