I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize