I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
