well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
