"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
