Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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