I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
