i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize