im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
