The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
