the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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