Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
