i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
