nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
