What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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