Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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