I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
