my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
