Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
