I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
