I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
