I can tuck mytits in my pants
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
