am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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