Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
