I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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